But has someone ever hurt you so badly that you just can’t seem to let go of the pain? Like a crease on a page, it leaves a permanent mark, and no matter how hard you try to undo and smooth, its trace lingers.   

Maybe it was something that happened recently or a lifetime ago, but deep down you can’t shake it. You try to suppress it, forget it, or maybe deny it altogether but ultimately, like that page crease, it remains. You can likely link a person to the painful memory, point a finger to the source of the suffering.

How we respond to hurt will determine sickness or health.

Years ago, I endured a hurt that left an indelible mark. With considerable effort I forged dusty trails and arrived at a place that resembled the landscape of forgiveness. Ok, this feels good, I think this is it.

But as time went on, pain from the memory continued to feel oppressive, haunted me in sneaky, unsuspicious ways. It was a heaviness that inevitably brought me to tears. I’d dismiss the feelings, remind myself that I was okay…but in all honesty, I felt exhausted and lost. It was like my heart forgave the other person, but my brain hadn’t caught up.

One day, out of a desperate search for peace and healing, I asked God, I’ve forgiven so why is there still so much pain?  

The answer rolled into my consciousness like a gentle wave. You’re carrying forgiveness around like a burden.

And there it was, my answer.

God showed me that, yes, I had embraced forgiveness, but had it strapped to my back – a beautiful treasure chest loaded with precious riches bound firmly in place. Instead of enjoying the gift, I carried it like a burden.

The wisdom echoed, Unstrap the weight and allow the treasure to sink into your soul. Let it spring open and flow freely from the deepest part of you. Let it be a gift, not a burden.

Forgiveness is letting go so that the past doesn’t harm you or hold you prisoner. Genuine, released forgiveness is the medicine that heals your pain, brings you peace and ultimately sets you free. Forgiveness is a gift that benefits you.

I love this quote by Maya Angelou: “It’s one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody.”

It doesn’t mean you are justifying the actions of others, or forgetting that the pain ever happened, or accepting that it was okay for it to happen. Forgiveness is simple (not easy) and miraculous (not unbelievable), and it’s the only thing that offers freedom from the anger and resentment of damaged emotions.

Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could be any different and holding on to the hope of health and healing.

Another person I’ve struggled to forgive has passed away. The bitterness and resentment I harbored was harming me far more deeply than I had realized – it was even impacting my ability to trust and love, and I didn’t want to go through life without giving and receiving love. But what do you do when the person is gone or otherwise vanished from your life? You write them a letter, include all the emotions you feel, all the ways you believe they have hurt you, record all of your feelings. When you come to the end of the letter, summon a brave heart, letting go of both the wrong and the resentment, and write these words: I choose to forgive you for what you have done to me.

And then burn that letter. Let the ashes fall. Be finished with it. Let forgiveness sink in, let it flow freely from the depths of your soul, and allow it to richly bless every aspect of your beautiful life.

Ephesians 4:32 | Be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. (NASB)

Wanna pray?

God, thank you for your forgiveness and for your love, mercy and grace. When you gave us Jesus, you gave us the perfect example of forgiveness. Teach us how to handle our damaged emotions, help us to be kind and compassionate to each other. Forgive us for our sins and help us to forgive those who have sinned against us.