Never Alone
Despite the cold room and overhead fan spinning on high, Rosa’s body was wet with sweat.
She was thin, weak and unable to walk, and as she lay next to me in tortuous pain, my only prayer for her was survival.
After many frustrating doctor visits and misdiagnoses, the stage four lymphoma diagnosis arrived on a Sunday morning with stifling conflict – there was both relief and devastation. The PET scan revealed it had already spread to her bones and organs; she needed immediate help.
We met with the oncologist on Monday, the fertility expert on Tuesday, a port was implanted in her chest on Wednesday, and her first chemotherapy treatment began on Friday.
Prior to the diagnosis, she had come remarkably close to death, requiring a blood transfusion to keep her alive while we searched frantically for answers. Now that the enemy had been identified, it was time for battle. The only way out was to fight.
I knew that my beautiful, 20-year-old daughter was brave enough. But was I?
I was consumed with questions. Would the chemo, which was making her violently ill, kill her before it killed the cancer? If chemo didn’t kill her, would it even work? If it did, would she ever fully recover from the process. Was a normal life possible for Rosa?
The questions branched out like highways on a map while I rubbed her clammy legs and mopped her sweat-drenched body through the night.
She moaned softly. “Mom, can you hold me?”
I gently folded my body next to hers, careful to avoid the areas where cancerous tumors had grown; even the slightest graze would leave her screaming. In the darkness, I remained motionless listening to her shallow, rapid breaths. And then, it was as if our thoughts collided and fused – I could sense all her terror, which was a perfect reflection of my own.
“I’m scared,” she whispered.
I wanted to answer, “Me, too,” but I stayed silent.
God, please help me to help her right now.
I remembered a song by Michael W. Smith, titled Surrounded. I shifted slightly and reached for my phone. The lyrics rang out in the darkness:
Instead of a spirit of heaviness put on a garment of praise.
That’s how we fight our battles.
It may look like I’m surrounded but I’m surrounded by you.
This is how we fight our battles.
With a swell of tears and strength, I sang the words to my sweet, tired girl over and over until it ended.
“God has not abandoned us,” I declared with newfound confidence. “He’s reminding us how to fight this battle.”
In that moment, when it seemed as if we were abandoned and surrounded by an undefeatable enemy, God used a song to remind us that we weren’t battling this alone. He inspired us through lyrics that carried us to an invisible, impermeable shelter. God used that song to restore our strength, renew our hope, and remind us of who he is. It was miraculous what happened to us that night – God took our fear and replaced it with peace that wasn’t from this world.
You may be facing a battle of your own. I want to remind you that you are not alone. You may be facing unemployment, but you’re not on this path without help. Maybe you’re facing marital struggles; God is with you. You may be facing death; be assured you’re not alone. Whatever path you are traveling, God goes with you; he will never leave you or forsake you.
Joshua 1:9 | Be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. (NLT)
Wanna pray?
God, so many unimaginable, catastrophic things can happen to us in this earthly life, please remind our human hearts that beautiful, redemptive things can also happen. When we feel alone and surrounded by threatening circumstances, remind us that we never battle alone…you are always with us and will never abandon us.